Posts Tagged ‘dating’

Starting To Date Again

February 7, 2010

I haven’t been dating new women since October 2009. Well I’m going to start now again.

It seems hard. I don’t like following social rules and dating seems like a lot of unspoken social rules that I’m unsure really exist or not. My instinctual response is to hell with the rules and I’ll just be real and honest, and frankly, I’ll be plain and simple, because I am plain and simple.

But I don’t think this is good enough. People say “be yourself”. Sure this can be good advice. But guess what? I’m not always confident, I don’t always want to dress especially nice, and I don’t necessarily want to be in places where there are women. etc. etc. Being yourself is fine. But I don’t think me just being myself will get me women. I need something more.

I’m a technical person. When most people think of technology they think of computers and electronics and things like that. Not me, not really. When I think of technology I think of methods of doing things that work. That’s technology. And computer and electronics technologies are just methods of doing things that work.

There’s lots of technologies. There’s the technology of how to sell things, there’s the technology of how to be a good parent, there’s the technology of being an accountant. Etc. Etc.

So for me, what I have to develop for myself is the technology of dating. The technology of getting woman so that I can have as much women, and the kind of women that I want. There’s probably nothing that I want more than some good women, or even just the one single perfect woman for me.

So the technology of getting women to the product of getting as much of the kind of women as I want.

Fine, let’s see if I can develop that technology for myself.

Let’s start now. And let’s start by dividing what I do know from what I don’t know:

1. Appearance does matter. But mostly it matters in terms of initially attracting a woman and gaining her acceptance to be associated with you. It helps in initially meeting a woman. It also helps me personally as I will feel more confident and secure if I am nicely dressed and looking good.

2. Confidence. Women like confidence. They want their guy to know what they are doing and be sure and certain and to take action. They don’t want their guy to be or show insecurity or uncertainty. So be certain, do things like you mean it.

On some kinds of dates like meeting for coffee I get bored really fast and then I don’t know what the hell to do and so I’m uncertain. I’m not going to do that anymore. I think I’ll bring a chess game or something like that. And if I get bored I’ll just end the date there and then and go home. Before I go home, if I like the girl a little, I’ll ask her if she wants to come over, with the intention of making out or fooling around. I don’t know if it is an error or not to ask a girl if she wants to come over on the first date.

What I don’t know:
Sometimes I’ll go on a first date with a girl that I’ll be excited about and really like and then they don’t want to see me anymore. What the hell is this? I don’t really know why this happens. I think I become somewhat clingy or something and they don’t want to see me again. So I have to change how I handle this. I don’t understand what is happening here. Usually the girl has some stupid excuse like she’s too busy with school to date right now, when I think that if she liked me she would find a way to make it work. Why the hell doesn’t she just tell me that she doesn’t really like me that much and so would prefer to date someone else or do other things? Fuck shit, this situation is so frustrating. I think this is my number one frustration. I feel like I’m being lied to and I don’t know the truth.

How am I going to date?
Get a date with a girl. There are several different evaluations about a girl on a first date:

I can find out if I like her or not on the first date. There are three evaluations and reactions:
1. I really like the girl.
2. I’m not particularly interested in the girl but wouldn’t mind her companionship and sex.
3. I’m not interested in this girl and I don’t want to associate with her.

I don’t know what I should do with the first kind of girl. This is where I’m uncertain and what I don’t know. Maybe this is why I fail with this kind of girl. I do know what I want to do with this kind of girl. I want to get to know her slowly. I want her to get to know me slowly. This means a quick first date. This means a fast second date. This is me not talking too much. This is me sending her flowers at work. Hmmmmm….. Maybe I should actually try this method (which I never did really), it might actually work out! Holly molly. hmmm. Perhaps it is worth a try? I’ve sort of done this, but what I did was long uncertain dates, being and feeling clingy. Maybe I should just really handle it like how I want to. Wow! I want to try this now. Lots of short dates, I don’t talk very much. I send flowers. Nothing physical. For dates and dates and dates. Hmmm. I really feel that’s how I would want to do it. I don’t know why.

The second girl I invite over or I ask her if I can come over to her place and I fool around with her and talk with her and have fun with her and maybe have sex with her.

The third kind of girl I’m polite to and leave. Sometimes this girl is still interested in me when I want to leave.

This draws me to another conclusion that I should treat the girl that I like, like the girl I’m not really interested in or the girl I don’t want to associate with with the difference that I keep dating the girl that I like. There’s this strategy.

So for the girl that I really like, I see two possible strategies:
1. Go straight for the fooling around and sex, treating her like the girl I’m not really interested in but like the companionship and sex with.
2. Have the fast, relatively uninformative, unphysical dates, but certain dates.– I feel like this wouldn’t work, but it’s what I’d want to do. Crap, frack.

I think my answer to boredom on a date or uncertainty about what to do next is ending the date and leaving. We’ll see if this has workability or not.

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